Figuring It Out

I'm done pouting and i've started to think about what a girl said to me, about the whole, surrounding yourself with bullshit is stupid, she's got her life controlled, except 'things go bad', things are always going to go bad, just to challenge your life a bit, i agree there are lots of things happening in my life and now i'm willing to change it. I have sorted out a list of things to do for myself and get back into a routine.

I'm basically done with 'summer fun' in a way that i'm starting my life and i have a new attitude about it. I have my priorities and i'm going for them, the only thing is that of a Garrrrhl, is confusing...

I'm finding out all over again what i like and my life is worth standing up for and i don't want to be controlled by moments, or people, or 'higher powers, i'm going to live my life the way i do with exceptions''' i am in a world that demands things...i'm going to need some things from 'them'.

The only hard part is to think about it too hard...i get caught up in the one thing. i'm learning a thing called multi-tasking and there are quantities that life bases their ways.

My life is in a happy state of bieng and i intend on making what i need to do happen in the rightest kind of way.

I just have the problem of getting things out to people with words when someone's in need of a talk i have some troubles with words of this world, and i'm blank and to me it seems like i don't care and that i have a way of pushing myself away from people and neglecting my bod.

I have new perspectives and i'm static, but in the same tone what am i doing next that is the question???

Life...my life why so blunt

there are things in my life that effects are made and i don't care the consequences, because i've been neglecting my potential. I'm not moving productively fast in this world called Earth. I recognize that i'm having more pleasure than pain and that is not good. i have not picked up my responsibilities yet i would like to jump into them, getting a job for me is hard, i'm going to college soon, so not only do i not have a job, but going to college with no paychecks at the moment; i'm a little stupid i guess...
I do alot of stupid shit and i've got alot on my plate, i'm kinda hungry but i can't eat the whole meal, too much presents itself too quickly. I'm trying to start college soon with no money whatsoever, no job and i'm depressed. I know alot of things and i want to help out the world, but i'm afraid to, i'm afraid of my own destiny...what does that say
i go day to day thinking about why the world has so many crossroads and back slashes and targets that we get through just to pass by, i do these things and they don't mean a damn thing.
I hate that i'm so...braindead the only time i feel; is when 'pain' is given to me or that of a womans touch, nowadays.
I work at nothing i don't really do anything, i let life float by like the feather in Forrest Gump, i try and try to do nothing which makes me sad.
I want to be resposive to my own being and it's interactions, i want to be the driver in my life, but i just need a little guidance...idk where from but i need help starting my life like i need a fuckin' handbook to my life or a tutorial. this life on Earth is monotonous and everyones working for a pointless cause. They work for the dream but the dreams don't work for them because they can't read them, they are the paths but no one really sees that. The world is made up of a language that's right in fromt of you but i am trying to learn how to understandit but have no help, with my brain i'm not smart enough to do these tasks, it's handed to me and i don't know what to do with it, i hate being stupid...

Transition

There are things happening in my life that are changing, there are certain things that i don't like and there are certain pains in life that one has neccesary to bare.

One of life's messages are to get a job so that i can get money and move out, so that i can go to college and get an education...or at least an education. : ]

Another is that i will have to something quick to help out my family, my mom has pneumonia, she works at home now and she's providing for us all.

i on the otherhand, just got a temporary job to help out the money situation, and i don't know how long it is going to last, but i will make it as long as it takes.

All of my friends aren't doing much in their lives right now besides 'living life fun' the way it should be, in not a good sense i believe.

Given it's the summer and summer should be fun, but i don't know if it's right...i believe that there is good out of it and they are good friends but they're holding me back because i can't manage my life right now and i need to.(if you are my friends reading this, it is only in the good manner that i get things out and that i need to manage my time with you all, so it's really all my doing, even though i am here for all of you i need my life in this society to get my education and my cleanly repair)

I am going to start turning to my life some way in this world i may get a chance to start doing the right thing and lead people in a good way and to truly help mankind and others.